


Voice In My Head (Part 1)

by AgataVarano



Series: Scar [13]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Abuse, everyone with more than one PhD is terrible with emotions, stephen strange is precious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27763219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgataVarano/pseuds/AgataVarano
Summary: If you think your ex is the biggest asshole, then you haven't read this yet.
Relationships: Original Female Character & Original Female Character, Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Stephen Strange & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Scar [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1826437





	Voice In My Head (Part 1)

**Author's Note:**

> • English is not my first language so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes.  
> • You can find this and more fics on my Tumblr @/let-me-write-my-life and my Instagram @/agata_varano.

_ I let you bury me alive for far too long. - I Prevail (Worst Part of Me) _

_ A pained scream escapes her throat before a hand tightly wraps around her neck, silencing her. All Lara can think of is pain. Pain. An immeasurable amount of pain. A warm tear carves her cheek and, once again, she hopes to die. It hurts. So. Damn. Much. Almost there, he's almost there. Why must he always be so horny when he's drunk? Her face is thrown against the pillow by a slap before he spits on her cheek. His grip tightens, blocking her pipes a bit more. He blurts out something, but she doesn't listen. It almost surely is an insult to her. Or a random curse. Or both, one after the other. She lets out another tear, ignoring all the pain. After all that's what painkillers exist for, right? _

"I didn't come this far to sink so low, I'm finally holding on to letting go!" Corey Taylor's voice breaks the silence of Lara's room, forcing her to listlessly turn in her bed and reach for her phone before the chorus of her ringtone can wake up everyone at the Sanctum in the middle of the night.

"Hi," she mutters, still half asleep. Sitting up in her bed, she rests an arm on her lap and leans back against the headboard. Her far from pleasant dream still lingers in the corners of her mind and she sighs. "What do you need, Tony?"

The inventor swallows heavily. "I- I need you to get here at the Headquarters as soon as possible. And bring Jonathan too. And be fast."

Shoving her keys down her pocket, Lara knocks on the door of the conference room. Jonathan looks around himself, surprised to see other people awaken at such an insane hour. "Come in," someone screams from inside the room and the two step in carefully. Everyone is sitting around the usual big glass table, looking sadly at Lara as she sits down on an empty black chair.

Jonathan plops down next to her and turns to Steve, who studies them with his arms crossed. "What do you guys need?" Jonathan asks, moving his gaze among all the Avengers around him.

Steve takes a deep breath. "Just watch this."

The super soldier presses a button on a remote control and the screen in front of the table turns on. The voice coming through the speakers makes goosebumps immediately rise all over Lara's arm. "Good evening, dear Avengers." The man's dark eyes scan the room and set on Lara. If she didn't know it's a recorded video, she would feel even more uncomfortable. Alex hasn't changed in the slightest, she can still see that homicidal rage inside his eyes. She clenches her teeth before Jonathan's hand reaches for hers, squeezing it reassuringly. 

The man takes a step back as eight other people appear on the screen. They're blindfolded and gagged, tight ropes around their wrists and ankles, and the vision of their pain sends a pleasant tingle down Alex's spine, Lara is sure of it. "Pretty, aren't they?" He comments with a devilish smirk on his lips. "They'll look even better after I've cut their heads off."

Lara bites her inner cheek and clasps Jonathan's hand tighter, throwing a quick glance to his face.  _ "He's not going to do it," _ his eyes say.  _ "You can beat your head he is," _ she thinks. She can read it on his face, he's on a killing spree and he won't hesitate to brutally murder everyone he meets.

"However," Alex continues, his hands clasped together before his abdomen, "I'm willing to come to terms with S.H.I.E.L.D." The grin on his face makes Lara shudder and she holds her breath. "Call it a courtesy since you have been  _ so _ kind to take care of my dear girl while I was gone."

Jonathan clenches his jaw and he's so angry that, as he squeezes Lara's hand even more tightly, the veins on his neck become more visible. He looks down at her for a moment, but she is staring blankly at the screen. How can she be so calm when that  _ monster _ is calling her  _ his _ ?

The truth is that she is, in no way or shape, calm. Jonathan's steadier grip is the only thing keeping her from falling down and curling up on the floor, crying until her eyes are completely dried and screaming until her lungs are empty. But she can't do those things and she just looks forwards, her heart racing faster and faster in her chest.

Alex goes on. "Obviously, I can't allow just anyone in here. So, in exchange for my generous offer of meeting you, I ask to choose  _ who _ I will meet." He pauses for a moment, as if he could sense the tension in the room and pleasure himself with it. "I want Johnson, alone and disarmed. You may accompany her for most of the road. If you accept my proposal, I will send you where to leave her for my men to pick her up." One last grin. "Otherwise, you'll have to find eight new agents."

The video ends abruptly and silence falls in the room. It's Lara to finally speak. "I'm going." Everyone turns to her, all of them equally shocked.

"Lara…" Jonathan breaths out, his voice low and raw as the lump in his throat tightens. He's looking down, trying to process everything he has seen, but doesn't let go of her hand.

She finally lets out the breath she's been holding for a long time now. "Tell him I-"

Suddenly Jonathan jumps up, his chair almost falling down. He looks at her with a mixture of sadness and rage in his eyes. "This is out of discussion," he almost screams, his veins growing even bigger on his neck.

She then gets up, staring him right in the eyes and jerking his hand away. "I. Am. Going," she says, emphasising each word. "End of discussion." And she leaves the room, arms crossed on her chest. The other Avengers can only stare as Jonathan dashes out of the room after her.

Lara takes a sip of her coffee, trying in vain to warm herself up. Her eyes linger on the smallest details of the table, every crack, every stain, every carving. Right now, she feels like her mind could be easily compared to that flawed surface: it's overall fine, it can be used without big troubles, yet it's not perfect, it's not new and it will never be. If someone around there wanted a perfect table, they should have kept idiots from engraving their initials on it. 

Now the question is: if someone came by and kicked that table right in the middle when that poor surface is least expecting it, would it break? Would it shatter to pieces, with hundreds of shards, carved and stained, covering the floor? Or maybe the fact itself that it has endured so much means it is way more resistant than others expect it to be? What if, ironically, the person who wrote his initials all over the once perfect surface decided to break that table once and for all, but as soon as he kicked it in its weakest spot he broke his foot? Wouldn't it be great to be such a strong table that gets to break the foot of the person who once treated it so poorly?

She takes a deep breath and slowly exhales. Stopping any other philosophical reflection inspired by lifeless furniture, she just hopes Stephen sees her message informing him about the situation. 

Lara doesn't even flinch when she hears the sound of someone moving a chair beside her. She lets out another breath and her eyes flutter closed. "I know what you're thinking, but I'm not changing my mind."

Jonathan reaches for her hand, wrapped around the cup of coffee. "I'm- I'm just trying to keep you safe." She nods and he continues. "You shouldn't go there alone, he's gone crazy."

She breathes out a sarcastic laugh. "As if he had ever been sane." She turns to face him and tilts her head slightly to the side. "If I don’t do as he says, he will kill those people and I cannot allow that."

"And I," he replies, "cannot allow him to kill  _ you _ ." He reaches for her other hand too and wraps them both in his. "Please Elle..."

She leans forward, her resigned expression hurting Jonathan more than anything else ever could. "He's on a killing spree!"

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't go there alone!"

Lara sighs loudly and retracts a hand to move a strand of hair from his face. Her gaze is lost somewhere else, in a place Jonathan doesn't know, a place she isn't even sure still exists physically but is permanently painted in her worst nightmares. "Don't make it harder than it already is."

That's it, Jonathan is waiting for her outside the Headquarters. In no time she'll be on a plane directed to Oklahoma City and there will be absolutely no way out. No way out.

Lara turns left and then right, occasionally throwing glances to the few agents walking around the Avengers Compound. She crosses her arms tighter over her chest, trying to slow down her racing heart, but it's all in vain. Fear tries to take over her, but she pushes it back into the depths of her heart. She stops in front of a big window and looks out. The sun is rising on the horizon and the whole city is tinted in reddish colours, a soft breeze playing with the fronds of the few trees on the other side of the street.

She exhales a deep breath. Why is she even doing it? Why does she have to always be the one to sacrifice herself? Then she straightens herself and frowns. Of course she's doing it, she's the only one who can. She just has to calm down and trust herself, then everything's going to be alright.

"Lara!"

She turns, suddenly awakened by her tranche. Not far from her, Stephen is standing in some casual clothes, a golden portal closing behind him. She slightly tilts her head to the side. She didn't expect to see him there. "Yes?"

He inches closer and looks at her with a sad expression that instantly breaks Lara's heart. "I've read your message," he says slowly. "Please,  _ please _ tell me you're not seriously going there..."

"I- I have to!" She stutters. She's not even convinced herself and he can see it, as well as the tension written on her face.

"No, you don't," he replies calmly, "just-"

"Stephen, if I don't meet him, he will kill innocent people!" She spits out, voice dying in her throat, and she grabs his wrist for dear balance. Her gaze falls on the ground and her fingers linger on his scars, trailing down more or less serious injuries, her mind lost in her thoughts as she bites her bottom lip and tries so hard not to fall apart.

Stephen lets out a breath and fights with all his strength the urge to immediately hug her and never let her go. "But if you go, he will kill  _ you _ ," he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. He brings his free hand to her face and moves a strand of hair behind her ear, a knuckle lingering on her cheek, sliding up and down. "I just-" Voice dies in his throat. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Lara smiles sadly and tilts her head, leaning into his touch. Why must he always make it so hard to leave? "I know," she whispers before launching herself in his arms. She tightly hugs him, arms around his neck and face pressed against the side of his face. Breathing in his sandalwood scent, she shuts her eyes closed and snuggles closer to him.

After a moment of hesitation, Stephen hugs her back. He pulls her closer and closer, his arms so tight around her that they could break her ribs. Finally he melts down and lets his face fall in her hair. His nostrils fill with her sweet vanilla scent and he just squeezes her tighter, unable to express all the things going on in his head.

Lara swallows. Her heart is racing even more than before and she just doesn't want to go. But she has to. She turns her face and presses a quick kiss to Stephen's cheek, her hand gently holding his jaw. If there were a way to look inside people's head, Lara would be able to see Stephen's neurons crashing against each other. "I have to go," she whispers against his skin before parting from him and rushing out of the hallway. And before he can even acknowledge it, Stephen is alone in the empty corridor, his shaking fingertips brushing his now warm cheek.

The flight is almost completely silent. No one, neither Lara nor Jonathan, wants to say anything. They don't need to, they already know each other's opinion on the situation. Lara notices her legs shaking more and more as time passes, her heartbeat faster than the plane she's on. She strains herself to sleep,  _ "just a couple hours" _ , but she can't.

Almost five hours later, they're in a black car driving down Oklahoma City. Lara is infinitely grateful to Jonathan for being the one to drive, even though doing something could be a decent distraction. He stops near a bar, not far from a narrow alley. Jonathan leans back against his seat with a sigh and turns to her. Before she can even realise it, he's hugging her tightly. He pats her back and kisses her temple. "Call me as soon as you're done and stay safe."

She nods absently, her face buried in the crook of his neck. Why must everyone make her regret her decisions so much? "I'll try to."

Slowly parting from him, she removes her seat belt and opens the door. She throws a glance outside. There's a weak breeze and no one in sight. She turns back and hugs him again. "Love you, Jon."

He smiles sadly. He would trade anything to make sure she'll be safe, but he can't and knowing there's nothing he can do for her makes him feel so powerless. Fear takes over him when he thinks that, actually, he's not even sure  _ she _ can do something to keep herself safe. He squeezes her. "Love you too, Elle." Then she leaves.

She walks down the small sidewalk, casually looking around herself. Her heart beats faster and faster in her chest and it's almost as it could jump out of her ribs any moment. A dark grey German SUV stops beside her and she stands there, her hands in her pockets and her eyes set on the car. The plate has been clearly changed and Lara can think of at least five people who could have done that work better, the tinted windows are cracked in various spots.

The door on the passenger side opens and a tall Asian man steps out, a dark bulletproof jacket poorly concealed under his bomber. "Get in," he barks, gesturing to the open door. Lara doesn't say anything and sits down, a woman with green hair staring at her from the driver seat. The Asian man sits behind her and violently grips her wrists, pressing them against the sides of the seat and immobilising her. "We had to cut on security systems, but Main could never forgive us if his favourite girl got hurt," he jokes.

Again, Lara doesn't say anything and swallows. The feeling of the man's callous fingers tightened around her wrists is far from the soothing of Stephen's touch, even though the physical sensation is more or less the same. She focuses on her legs, preventing them from shaking, and stares at the road. She would love to try and keep in mind a few street names, but her brain just can't seem to obey her instructions. Doesn't matter, she just hopes she won't need them.

The voice on the radio rocks her for most of the ride, as her eyes stare blankly at the road before her. "I hate myself for giving in the first time, going through hell one too many last times." She sighs and tries to focus on that singing voice, but the excessive use by the driver of the horn keeps reminding her where she is and, most importantly, where she is going.

After what could have been either five minutes or an hour, the car parks in front of a tiny building with ruined, reddish walls. The woman steps out of the car and opens Lara's door, then drags her to the entrance, followed by the other man. Lara crosses her arms and fists her shirt. The hallway she's walking down is warm, but she's never put so much effort not to shiver.

"Get in," the woman says rudely when they stop in front of a dark wooden door. Lara does as asked and suddenly the two close the door behind her. 

She takes a few steps forward, examining the white walls without windows, and places a hand on the metal table in the middle of the room. Then, the door behind her opens again and a couple of agents, armed from head to toe, step in accompanied by  _ him _ .

Lara crosses her arms even more tightly, fisting her shirt and appealing to all her courage. Alex smirks when he sees her and steps towards her slowly. He puts his hand in his pocket and takes out a gun, which he unexpectedly places in the centre of the table. "We said 'unarmed', didn't we?" He comments with a grin. She arches a brow at his rather pathetic attempt to seem scary. She can do it, she just has to calm down and be brave.

"Sit down, darling," he says gesturing to the two chairs on opposite sides of the table. Lara doesn't waste time on correcting him. Reminding him she stopped being "darling" almost ten years before would only make him angry.

"Long time no see, doll." He leans back against the seat and throws a glance to a black agent, who brings them a bottle of water and two glasses and puts Alex's gun away. Lara has already seen him before, he's one of Alex's oldest friends, one of those who perfectly knew what he did to her but couldn't care less.

"Let's just end this thing quickly please," she answers, crossing her arms on the table and studying the transparent liquid dripping in the two glasses.

He grins and takes a sip, then gestures her to do the same. She inspects the drink and carefully takes a sip. It doesn't seem poisoned. He drank from the same bottle too.

He leans forward, his forearms on the cold surface of the table. "To be honest, I expected better from you, doll," he starts. "Lying to me for years, abandoning me and now betraying me like this… You disappointed me…"

Lara clenches her jaw and for a moment she forgets she's surrounded by armed guards ready to shoot her in the head whenever their twisted leader asks them to. She scoffs. "'Betraying you'? What loyalty did I owe to the man who tortured me for three years?"

His face turns darker. "I've changed, I'm a different man now." His voice is deeper and her leg bunches under the table in fear. But she goes on.

"You always told me you had changed, but I never noticed any difference, or at least not a positive one…" She takes a breath. "But that's not the point. I'm not here for this." But when she understands what is going on, it's too late. Her heart is racing faster and faster and she can hear it in her head, her sweat is as cold as ice.  _ "Fuck".  _ She fell for it. Again.

Alex smirks. "You're wrong baby girl," he says. "It's exactly what you're here for."

Lara jumps up, the chair falling behind her, and she grips the dark man's wrist, inspecting his hand. His fingertips are slightly white. They were covered in powder, the same powder he placed on the rim of her glass. The drug Alex used on her for years.

She doesn't have the time to turn that she's kicked on the floor, her head spinning. She looks up just in time for Alex to kick her on the face. She spits blood all over the floor and feels acid liquids coming to her mouth. "You thought you could abandon me and get away with it, you wh*re?" He screams before he kicks her again, this time in the stomach.

She opens a palm and air tightens around Alex, pushing him against his guards. She gets on her hands and knees and violently throws up, a few drops of blood mixed with the disgusting substance. Then she is pushed down with her face in her vomit. She rolls on her side and Alex spits on her before a guard can force her up and lock her arms behind her back. She kicks him in the shin and uses her powers again, this time making a couple guards fall a few feet underground.

A woman punches her on the nose and she answers by throwing her on the other side of the room. Her head is spinning more and more and her vision is blurring. She has no idea for how long she'll still be able to use her powers. She is kicked in the crotch and punched on the jaw. She throws a guard out of the window, then pushes another one hard enough for him to make a hole in the wall. After a little time there are no more guards, but Alex is still standing. He chokes her, his hands tightening around her throat and pushing her against the table. He grins at the sight of blood dripping down her nose and mouth before Lara throws him against a wall. 

She waits a few seconds until she's sure he has passed out, then reaches for her phone in her pocket. She dials Jonathan's number and waits, hoping he'll answer soon. Her vision is dark and blurry, her head has never been so heavy. She closes her eyes just in time to hear someone picking up the call.


End file.
